Day two was interesting.
First, I had a stressful day at work. I won’t bore you with the details but it is just frustrating. Normally, I would be ready to go home and beginning my numbing process. I knew this was not an option now. I am proud to say I never once thought of opening a bottle (I have no boxes left) of wine and drinking it. My self-talk was, “Ok, you got to be able to deal with this.” “it is going to be fine.”
I worked out and went to the grocery store. I eventually got to the point when I was drinking to not go to different stores, because I just didn’t care what anyone thought. In I went and got my husband, who can drink just one drink and stop, his Wild Turkey. I got a gallon of milk, detox tea (might help), variety tea, and diet ginger ale. Got home and the usual was going on: husband asking what was for dinner and where our daughter was. Son bugging husband to come show him something – probably hunting related. The dogs and cats always follow me around begging to feed them even though they have already been feed. As I unpack the groceries, I am curious if my husband notices I have not bought wine and if he sees the diet ginger ale and wonders what this is for.
The only true “related to me not drinking” aspects I noticed were when I emptied the dishwasher I saw the wine glasses – some of my very favorite glasses and got sort of sad thinking I wouldn’t use them any longer. When I went to get a glass of diet ginger ale, I smiled when I realized I can drink from any glass I want! And, diet ginger ale (DGA) looks like white wine – huh, go figure. I seriously think my husband thought it was wine. I had one more DGA, which took a whole lot longer for me to consume than actual wine, and then I switched to the detox tea. I have intentionally not used sugar with my tea because I don’t want to become a sugar-oholic
I found an error in the sweater I am knitting – probably when I thought I was sober enough to do the pattern and wasn’t. So I pulled it all out and started over. My daughter was so surprised by this – I guess I may need to re-knit some other items. Or at least do an audit.
Normally I am done and asleep (passed out) by the latest 9pm. Here it was going on 930pm and I was going strong. I started knitting again and got to a good stopping point and stopped. Husband went to bed about 915 and I took care of dogs and getting coffee ready for the morning, etc. This was the second night in a row I clearly remember every part of the evening. I took some melatonin because I suspected I’d have trouble sleeping even though I was actually tired.
Another reaction I saw was my daughter. She caught me coming down the hall going to bed and asked about redecorating her room and I said I would consider this but I was tired and we could talk about it later. Then she gently grabbed my head and kissed my forehead – she’s taller than me now. Clearly she has noticed. This makes me happy and sad at the same time – I really was that bad. Ugh. I cannot change what I’ve done; I can only change how I am going forward.
I remember on the “Unpickled” blog one of the comments from another woman was she started taking better care of herself. Last night I used my facial cleanser, moisturizer – all the good stuff. The best part is when I got into bed my husband scooped me up and told me he loves me so much. So he knows too and is being respectful enough to not mention it. At this point it was very hard to keep my emotions in check. I took a deep breath and acknowledged my achievement of another day without destroying my life and fell asleep quickly.
I don’t know if this is a withdrawal symptom because I am also peri-menopausal but I am sweating at night. I had to wash my sheets this morning kind of sweating. Ok, that seems to indicate it is a withdrawal symptom.
I slept fairly well, when I did wake up it was just for a few seconds. I woke up without a headache, no sour stomach or wondering what I did last night.
I feel very good about my decision and my follow through so far.